Reactionism

(An entry from a student who just wrote a girl he was seeing a relationship or nothing email)

My Response:

Sometimes in some situations you need to put it all out there even if you know it will damage you. Looking back I have had these situations but what they taught me is to learn how to "chill". I think that is the best advice for you man...chill out.

Reactionism is a PUAs worst enemy. If you are truly comfortable with yourself, other people will never be able to affect you. Look at how much power you gave her. By being affected by her you basically said that she is better than you and it is up to her to decide to stay or go.

I'm not going to bash you for this as I remember when I was going through a relationship about two years ago. I was so upset and I laid it all out there. The truth is, it just got worse, but I felt that my one shred of ego had needed to be validated and vindicated so with one swift brush I wrote an email similar to yours. After the fact, it made me realize how petty and insignificant all it is. Just because my girl didn't want a relationship with me, I didn't even want to be friends with her? How petty was I? I lost her and she hasn't spoken to me from that day forward. Just because one woman on a planet with over 3 billion of them didn't want a relationship with me it FORCED me to never want to see her again? All the times we spent for nothing? I just felt so petty because I felt that the email was so important but what I was really doing was fighting back because I was insecure and my ego was damaged from this woman.

That situation taught me a valuable lesson of rejection and never giving a woman that kind of power over me. Seriously would Brad Pitt ever write a message like this? I personally cherish the learning experience because it put me on the track of learning how to be comfortable with myself and who I am. Reactionism is the enemy here and shows a ton of insecurity.

Ironically, that's why women do it...so they can see the man that they want to be close to for what they really are. This is why this is not just an experience of girls but a life experience. I don't blame girls for doing this anymore, this is just their way of making sure their guy is sturdy and not made out of straw. If anything its just a hurdle to becoming a man and I would rather take these tests head on then going through life without them.

Don't let anybody affect you and please go through the rest of your life comfortable with yourself. This journey that you are undertaking is great in that you have reached a new point because my friend CHANGE only happens when you are either INSPIRED or DESPERATE. This situation can give you a new idea of what is going on.

I was examining the situation and I thought here is a guy who was in my previous situation. A good looking person with a lot going for him who felt a conviction to do something that he knew would hurt him but felt a need to do it. These needs are ego driven and hopefully this will give you some more perspective on the situation.

I think I made my point.

P

Addiction to your Old LIfe

I was watching VH1's Celebrity Rehab and I came to an interesting similarity. In case you don't watch VH1 shows, Celebrity Rehab is where they have all these C List celebrities going through rehabilitation for drugs and alcohol led by Dr. Drew (from Love line).Last night was the end of the show and they were talking about their next steps for changing their ways. Some were going to do Sober Living, some were going to do Outpatient programs and some were going to attend meetings to try to keep them under control.As I have had the chance to help out at bootcamps, I could definitely draw similarities to this. Ultimately it is up to the student to make the decision to keep on going out, keep making changes in his life, keep doing sets, keep calling girls on the phone, etc.As Dr. Drew says in the show's conclusion, "Even as they leave here today I know some of them will fail, some of them will stumble, some of them will use. I believe they all have experienced something that may plant a seed so that one day it will lead to sustained sobriety"This rings true with my experience as well."Just three weeks ago, 9 people entered my treatment program with desire to change their lives. They have struggled, they have fought, they have loved, they had successes, failures, experienced joy, misery...Every patient that entered this process was changed. They all had powerful experiences that were life altering and I believe will stay with them forever."These echo my feelings about bootcamp. Going into the process I know that many may fall by the wayside and ultimately it is in the power of the student to change. I hope that we do in fact plant a seed that will motivate and inspire them to change their life, as it has with me, if they follow the structure we give them.I know from personal experience transformations can happen. However it is difficult and tests your will not to stay addicted to your old life. I take a look at the bootcamp I was in and I am the last remaining member who posts and is active in the community. I know it can happen but it is very difficult and it is ultimately up to you.Sinn always says, "The people that go out on Sunday will be the ones that get good." And that my friends is the bottom line.P

I found your fake book!

As I have had my share of clingy girls as Levo can attest, I have learned various techniques that they try to use. Girls have crazy techniques to try to continue the relationship with you or see you again or talk to you again. One of them is leaving things at your house and then purposely messaging you back and saying, "I left my watch at your house." It is just a way of getting their foot in the door to speak with you again. Sometimes though they even go beyond this and fake that they left something at your house. This is for the brief hope that they will either get to come over to "look for it", get you to talk to them on the phone or something in between. Sometimes it could be a cell phone and sometimes it could be a book. Breastasaurus actually sent me a message that said "I left my pediatric book at your house. Can you look for it?" when she had a nursing test coming up. To quote my boy Levo, "Ohh my friend the key to a good lie is details".

"Pediatric"...very classy.

I did decide to text her back...

that

"I found your fake book!"

Meet Doc Holliday

Over the next few weeks, I will present people that have affected my life and my improvement as a PUA.

First is Doc Holliday:

I had the pleasure to meet Doc Holliday in Boston when I was living in nearby Providence. We had met earlier at a Boston Lair meeting but we really did not speak until I posted on the Boston Lair about a MM Seminar in New York. He was going to go as well. I remember the first time I met him. He had a really boyish look. Sure he was younger than me but he seemed way younger than me. He was on the short side and was freshly into his life change. I was skeptical because there are a lot of people in the community that are weirdos and many come from the city lairs. He was getting set to take his first huge seminar and this gave me the safe feeling that he was dedicated himself. He also had not been in the community and lair system long enough to become really a lair guy, he was just fresh into it and always seemed to have a genuine excitement.

We met and I remember trying to sneak him into a Brown Graduate school Friday afternoon social. They wouldn't even let him in, although I represented him as my cousin. I knew the girl at the door too! That night I think I amazed him by getting a girls phone number at a 18 and up bar.

I spoke with him about some of the most important concepts to getting started such as Identity, Fashion, Dedication and Goals. We decided he was going to spend the night at my place in Providence and we were going to take a train down to New York. Unfortunately we missed the train to New York and so I ended up driving to New York. The whole time we were listening to some CDs I had, talking about some facets and ideas of game. Also laughing and feeling each other out. One interesting part of this game, is you meet other people that are absolutely different then you are in so many aspects but you learn to come together. As soon as Doc had opened his mouth, I realized there was way more to this guy then most people see on the surface. I saw a guy who although he looks young is one of the most mature, understanding people I have come to know. He also did an awesome Borat impersonation. "Very Nice!" He is a naturally positive, outspoken and a fun person to be around which is probably why he was so popular in high school but also why he progressed so quickly.

Doc and I would hang out until I left in May. He became one of my best friends. He made me want to help him out tremendously. His game improved and he would transform into this person that was awesome with girls and have his own very cool style. He never could go to the bars but we would hang out at the mall and Newberry street, etc. But the truth is he helped me out. He showed me that I was at the point that I can help other people and he always made me remember that this game was about having fun and a good time. If you can't do that, then you are never going to meet women. His genuine excitement would excite me to go further and made me progress on so many levels. We would help each other out when I was going through a rough patch and when he was going through a rough patch.

I remember him coming down to DC...where I think he got his groove back and now he is an fuck'n MONSTER!

We still talk all the f'n time.

Thanks Doc. You are the MAN. Keep up the good work. Keep pushing the envelope.

Puzzler

Meeting the Friends

So breastasaurus got to meet my close friends after 3 months. We were invited by her friend to a McFadden's party. I was attacked on all sides not only did I have her friends there but I had a guy who was clearly upset that I was with her and wanted to make it known. I'm very cool in these situations, these are what would be considered difficult circumstances but you just assume everything is cool and take it as it comes. Breastasaurus also got to meet some of my friends.

The party inviter was being very annoying and difficult the whole time with me. He was trying to get a rise out of me saying, "that it sucks that you were a 23 year old virgin" and somehow heard of the number of women I had slept with in the past year. He was trying to piss me off and get me upset. The key to these situations is remain positive. I got mutual complaints from both Breastasaurus' friends that I needed to help him out and from my friends that he was being annoying. I tried to help him out as he "wanted me to help him."

I gave him a little advice and I knew it wasn't going to happen as soon as he tried to make a joke out of my advice and throw it back at me. So in my head I was like...ok I'm not going to help.

Mr. Annoying was throwing himself around, trying his best to both be annoying and woo girls...this is not the way to do it. As one of breastasaurus' friends asked me, "What is the best way or technique to getting a woman?" I simply said, "Be cool," which is exactly what it is and Mr. Annoying didn't understand it.

Here is a relationship management helper for some guys out there. You are out with your girlfriend and a guy starts touching her all over. She is drinking and so is the other guy, how do you deal with it? Initially the best response is to ignore it but if it keeps happening and/or one of your friends thinks it is disrespectful, this is where you should say something about it.

The key to it is not to react and not get upset by it but in very clear terms tell him he is being disrespectful. This doesn't mean pick a fight with him...and it certainly doesn't mean physical but it also doesn't mean crying about it.

For example:

I was out with my girlfriend and one of her friends started touching her in a way that one of my friend's came up to me and deemed it unacceptable. I honestly wasn't paying attention to the situation but if one of my friends picked up on it then I knew it should be brought to his attention.

This is similar to if a girl's friend was to see her boyfriend with another girl. She tells the girl and she feels disrespected in front of her friends so she says something about it.

I walked up to him with her there. I said to him "stop being disrespectful" and that was the bottom line. He reacted and said, "I'm not being disrespectful, I'm not being disrespectful" in a really emotional tone. I said, "Dude I think you are being disrespectful and that is the bottom line." Remember throughout this you can't react to him.

In this situation, I started to react when he got emotional...but the key is not to react.

Actually I thought he was pretty cool, dressed up in an Affliction shirt, bald head and some nice torn jeans and being like a UFC fighter. He seemed like a cool guy. So I thought he would understand and be cool about it.

Instead of apologizing he decides to walk away in a real somber mood. Feeling sad and making a big deal of something that I wasn't trying to make a big deal of. This in turn got her and her girlfriends in a "OMG he is jealous and needs to chill out" state, when I was trying to just tell him that I thought his behavior was disrespectful but everything was ok. I wasn't trying to pick a fight. But his saddness and way of reacting...pissed me off....and this is where I reacted.

Quickly I recovered and shook hands with him and he apologized and told me he would not be disrespectful again. Everything is cool.

The key: You need to walk the difficult line of telling your girlfriend that this behavior is disrespectful and being cool and calm about it. This is very challenging but in the end it shows her you are a man and not going to take bullshit but at the same time able to handle situations in a civil way. My girlfriend was reeling from my second that I reacted to him and I apologized (which is what you should do!).

When were were both in a more rational state and Mr. Annoying had left, I talked to her about how my friend had mentioned it was disrespectful and I was protecting my friends and do not like it when I feel disrespected in front of my friends. We did the make up dance and it was all good!

But when alcohol, your girlfriend, a random dude you don't know is involved its hard not to react but you got to try your best.

OR if this doesn't work:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_cyPIJBjSE

Puzzler

RAAAH

The Breastasaurus attacked me 5 times today. I haven't seen her in like 2 weeks. She always seems to have a swirl of drama around her life. This especially occurs when she leaves for vacation somewhere. The dork leaves the DC area and suddenly everything goes haywire. I told her she can't leave anymore. I talked to her on the phone and she had her dose of "Puzzler making everything better" but she really can't leave anymore.

That's what I'm talking about when I talk about America!

Not Being Boring and Going For It.

I feel like if a girl asks the question, "What is the most exciting thing you do?," I find that this is her communicating to you that she wants to be more stimulated now this can be either physical or emotional which:

If it is
emotional: means you are being boring in some capacity and she is trying to see if she can A) talk about something not boring and B) see if you really are a boring person

If it is
physical: She is bored by this continued non sexual stimulation and wants to increase the physical stimulation and turn the situation sexual herself.

These can go hand and hand. It could be both...that she is bored by your non sexual stimulation as well as bored by what you have been doing up to that point.

You want to evaluate what you have been doing up to that point. This could be observational or physical. Have you been exciting her with fun stuff, boring her completely or have you been having fun but without that tinge of sexuality, spontaneousness, charisma and adventurousness?

This is also relative to the date you went on as well. For example, if you decided to go for dinner instead of skydiving, how do you prevent the date from staling out and not being stimulating. Talking about adventurous, cool, charismatic stories is always good but it is harder to keep this up when you are in a situation without other stimulation around you.

The date you choose says a lot about you as well. Whether you are boring or adventurous, etc. Girls will feel the emotion from the date and blame you for the feeling.

I recommend going on dates that are INTERESTING, fun and stimulating.
Comedy Club
Aquarium
Karoake
Dave and Busters
Interactive Museums
Shopping Mall
Smores at Cosi

I'm all over craigslist and other event websites as well. Depending on the size of your city, there is stuff going on all the time that is different, stimulating and cool.

These ideas make it easier to have fun and not be boring. The second part of this comes in your stories and what you actually say on the dates, is it emotionally stimulating, is it job talk, are you being charimatic or are you talking in monotone about your shoes being tied. These are things you have to keep in mind. The third component is the sexually pulling the trigger.

I feel like a lot of guys do not pull the trigger when they have the option to do so. I recommend going sexual in a tasteful way. One of girls biggest gripes is that they do not understand the intention of the guy. Sometimes waiting too long to announce your intentions might mean that she has already come to the conclusion that you are not interested in her in that way and when you finally do it becomes weird and awkward. Sometimes not going for it will eventually bore her and she will lose interest as well as feel like connection between the two of you is stale.

By calling a girl, "sexy" you are making your intentions clear. You can say it about a personality trait etc...something about her that really turns you on. This goes hand and hand with not being boring. A little bit of sexuality, makes things just a little more interesting.

Turning a Male into a Pussy

I just read a really good post by Franco about "betaising your male"

It mentions the process is largely unconcious to the women herself with the exception of gold diggers.

Taking a powerful alpha male man and training him to be a beta male.

I think there is a paradox. Why would a woman want to make her man a pussy essentially?

Franco mentions:
Competition
in the deep of their hearts women know that the most Alpha of all the male is the one who never is exclusive to one woman. Already the fact that he is agreeing to be ONLY with her is in a way "beta". That's why most of the women get so h0rny about the fantasy that their men could f*** other women.

A very sure way to loose your own woman in a relationship is to make her sure that no other woman wants YOU! This does not necessarily mean to cheat on her. Women like to fantasize about the idea that their man could potentially get other women, while being faithful to them. In a way, in the deeper of their psyche, they "sense" that if a man agrees totally to be only with them he is in a way agreeing to be a little bit "betaised". Anyway they have the deep need to make him weaker which would keep him from spreading his genes to other women.

- When she will be pregnant and for a longer period after the birth of the child she will need protection. So if she does not have any psychological influence on him there is the risk that he will start to mess around exactly when she has the biggest need for his protection.

He says the process is one of the most lethal killers to attraction.

So the paradox is: what a woman really wants in the process of betaising is EXACTLY the contrary of what she is really doing to him.

So the job of the man in a relationship is: NEVER LET HER SUCCEED IN BETAISING YOU!

This does not mean necessarily to be unfaithful to her but it means to be aware of her betaising attempts and give her the right answers, from times to times. In a way it means to understand that what a woman says/does in a relationship is not always what she REALLY wants.

This is really interesting and with Breastasaurus, she has mentioned that she likes a guy that is wrapped around her finger but really secretly wants a guy that will be able put her in her place.

This is for most women largely UNCONSCIOUS as said, they are not really LYING, they are only acting under the influence of very strong instincts, which contain the contradiction:

"I have to make weaker exactly the man I like so much so I can be sure that he will become a PROVIDER to me and will not spread his genes elsewhere"

One of the interesting parts of the process include: Manipulation

- MANIPULATION.

Manipulation has not a good reputation in male world but it is in woman's world a widespread form of communication, which is not felt by women as "bad". When a woman manipulates she feel that she is communicating more than doing something wrong. Anyway in the deeper of her instincts a woman knows that if she easily manipulates her man, he is surely not Alpha or if he was Alpha now he is not powerful anymore.

Email me if you want to talk about this subject more.
puzzlerpua@gmail.com

P

Current Thoughts

I just got back from a job interview that I rocked. Job interviews are where presentation is so key. I just got my New Rocks. They are so awesome! I can't wait to wear them.

Breastasaurus took me to a movie last night which is called Juno. A little different spin on the normal chick flick. Wow! It was actually pretty good despite all the kids, marriage and the romance stuff. The girl Juno ran through such traumatic times and she dealt with it in like a casually brutal honesty type way. It totally flustered the adopter of her child. I don't think you should live your life hiding things that really hurt and keep them under the surface. That will only make you upset inside. It was very rockstar of her to be able to keep her cool with her brutal honesty. It was definitely a great way of coping with the situation instead of allowing it to hit underneath she was open about it. A man to me is defined as what you do when crisis occurs.

How do you deal with it, do you step up to the plate and take it or do you just cry yourself to sleep and look around flustered. I really like people that speak their mind and tell me what's up. I admire people that can cope with awkward situations in this way.

I think woman are searching for leadership from guys emotionally. They like guys to be there Everythings cool Rock! If you are freaked out about something and cursing...women will think its a big deal and be freaked out by it too. If you are like everything is cool and not a big deal, women will also follow that.

She didn't let it affect her (well except once when she went apeshit on the seeder but that was out of jealousy) and that should be merited instead she made the best out of it and joked around with it. People can learn a lot from dealing with situations from her. Don't live life too seriously! One thing I've learned is there each trait has a positive and a negative to it. With people I always look for the positive in them.

Breastasaurus has a similar way with people. On our first date and meetings up to that point she was pretty open that this was not going to be a walk in the park. She wouldn't give me an inch. This was until the great wall of China crumbled. She always has a way with words that tells you exactly what's up and how she is feeling. There is no beating around the bush with this one. RAAAH!The key to it is she says it casually but affectionately. And then out of nowhere she starts doing nice things for you and being like super sweet. I guess I always told her that she has a heart of coal but deep down there is a diamond in there somewhere. Maybe this is the way to describe her.

Like she said to me that my loveable dog Bubbles is spoiled and I shouldn't give her any more cookies. This is when we had just met! I coined her with the heart of coal after that. Nobody messes with poor Bubbles. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about America!

But at the same time despite her devilishness, she will make me like a really thoughtful and creative Christmas present and this is where her diamond lies.

If all you see is coal in people...well...you won't get a cool Christmas present like me. Think Positively about life and people! They will really impress you. I promise.

Date Thoughts and Breastasaurus

From experience and material about day 2s, I have come to this conclusion:For dates, the first 10 seconds of it are super important because I have noticed a girls buying temperature is super high when she sees you. That's when you should do some kino escalation because there is like a lil lul after that and its harder to gain compliance. It's like going up a mountain but if you already start touching you set a better frame of how the date is going to be. Like I find it much easier to hold a girls hands the first time you get a chance then later on building up to it.

The other great part about this is that if she doesn't accept the kino you have the rest of the date to build up to it again and recover. Either way you are still sending a powerful message to her initially.It is very similar to when you first enter a set. Touching immediately and often sets the frame you are a touchy feely guy. Therefore it makes it ok and isn't awkward to touch more compared to if you hadn't started touching early.

My breastasaurus has started her own blog to counterattack my own blog. I will make a big post about her soon...

Have a good trip.P

Compliance

There are two ways I deal with noncompliance. They all apply in different situations. One is for Hoops and the other is for Kino Escalation, Text Messages/Phone Calls and Relationship Management

1) Playful IOD in hoop theory and back to attraction.

2) The Weird Behavior Phenomenon/Everything is cool in Kino escalation, Phone Call/Text Messages, Flakes and Relationship management.

Most of the second noncomplaince technique involves:Do not put energy into it. Do not deal with it. Do not react to it. Make everything cool and not a big deal. I never combat it.

Calling it weird is not combating it which is why I'm fascinated by this technique.

ex: not answering your question
Resp: "O I was just being polite."

1)In this example downgrading her like you did here works because she did not flake on you yet. She merely did not jump through your hoop. In this case you can playful IOD.

This technique however I do not think is useful for this example: If a girl flakes with a text message.

How I do it now: I do not make it seem like it affects me at all. I do not put energy into it. I make things seem like its all cool and unreactive. Maybe two days later, I'll text her something funny and cool after it blows over.

I used to try the first technique by saying something like a playful IOD immediately like "My mom warned me about girls like you". It doesn't work with a text message. Then I tried a non-sequitor text back almost immediately such as "Lucky Charms are magically delicious!" and it's better…but ultimately I found the best technique is I do not even acknowledge it.

How I came across this: I came to this conclusion partially because well I had to flake on a girl and felt really bad doing it. She texted me almost immediately and I felt so bad I did not even want to read her text message (Even though the text message was nice and friendly). I imagine this is what a girl is feeling but even worse because of their emotional nature.

If she is noncompliant to my kino escalation.

I would most certainly not use a playful IOD and make light of it.

What I do: I would just make it like nothing happened. This is not to say that I do not playfully IOD with the kino escalation or even blame her for the kino escalation. However after she doesn't comply to it. I just move on to something without even recognizing what happened and try later.

For example: She doesn't want to hold my hands. I will be look for something visual in the environment and comment on it. Be like "O my god, The Cheesecake factory I love that place....and move on"Same with if she doesn't call me back.I wouldn't downgrade her for not texting or calling back.What I do: I play it cool and unreactive, imagine nothing wrong has happened and that everything is cool. I call her back again and if she doesn't pick up then I make it seem like everything is cool. Maybe text her something cool and funny.However

Ultimately: If I'm not receiving any compliance for a while then I will text her, "That's it! We are so broken up! I want my CDs back" (Credit The Don)and I have always gotten a call back or text back from that.

In relationship management compliance, the everything cool technique is by far the best.

For example: I screwed up in a relationship for not calling her early enough on her graduation day. I basically called her on the phone and she was already angry at me. I thought this was stupid because I still called her on her graduation day just not early enough for her tastes. I ended up not picking up one of her calls later that day because of a reception problem but she thought I was ignoring her. She later sent me a text that said, "consider yourself single if you are just going 2 screen your calls, you might as well have the decency to say you are sorry and move on"

What I did: I called her and she didn't answer. Instead of sending her a playful IOD text like clear's about being a facebook friend. I said, "No big deal hun..everythings cool. im sorry i didnt call earlier. I take full responsibility.""I love you and I miss you so feel free to stay and if not feel free to leave"Which works out well.

Everythings COOL!

Puzzler